The ‘do-or-die’ text is like the modern dating ultimatum. You’re risking the relationship to see if there’s a chance of getting what you want. You are either going to kill whatever relationship you have or it will flourish. As someone who’s sent her fair share of do-or-die texts I can tell you, it’s extremely tricky and risky, and mastering it is incredibly important.

The Prep

Before you even open up the messages app in your phone you need to be mentally ready to send this text. Are you prepared to lose what you currently have? This isn’t just some game to keep your bae on the edge…this is the final straw. You have to be 100% in a place where you can’t carry on with things the way they are and this text is the only option you have.

The Message

Once you’re fully okay with this, think about what you want to say. This is absolutely NOT time to be petty, dramatic, or salty (no matter how hard it is to avoid) – you need to be mature and level-headed. As soon as you incorporate drama in your message you have lost, show this person that you can handle this and whatever they say will not completely destroy you (again, hard to avoid).

This is the time to get right to the point – no beating around the bush here. Ask for what you want and absolutely nothing else. The trick is also avoiding an actual ultimatum. Don’t be all like “it’s this or nothing, you pick” NO NO NO. That is probably the worst way to write your do-or-die.

A do-or-die text is not an attack on the other person. It’s a very clear way of stating where you’re at and seeing if they’re on the same page. It’s giving them the chance to either agree with you or finally admit that they don’t want the same things as you.

The After

If your do-or-die worked to your advantage, congratulations. That’s the power of this method. It can really give your boo a reality check and get some honesty out of them…

That being said, the honesty might not be what you wanted. You get an answer out of them and they aren’t looking for the same thing you are – that’s ok. It will 100% hurt to hear the one thing you didn’t want to hear, but now you can move on. You no longer need things to drag on hoping that eventually you will get what you wanted. You have to accept it and take this as your closure and work towards putting it in the past.


So are you ready to do-or-die? Remember you can’t do-or-die before you did 😉