Honestly, it’s been a long year. I’m tired, and I’m sure you are too. Personally speaking, this has been the saltiest, pettiest year of my life – I’m not proud of it but that’s the reality.

If there’s one person who has succeeded in being petty, it’s Joanne the Scammer, and lemme tell ya, she’s goals. Here’s how to survive the holidays with Joanne the Scammer as your inspiration.

1. Before getting too invested in the Christmas feels, remember that the holidays overlap with cuffing season

2. The only way to respond when your family asks where you’ve been hiding and why they haven’t heard from you

3. When all the food comes out for the Christmas meal and you’ve been surviving on water and toast for the past 4 months

4. When your uncle asks about your plans after graduation, hit ’em with this

5. We all have the aunt that likes to brag at Christmas dinner about how perfect her kids are, but remember, Joanne the Scammer has a different goal

6. New Year’s will inevitably come around and you will have to dodge all the plans that make you cringe

7. If you’re going to have a holiday fling, do it right (and by right I mean as Joanne would do…not morally)

 

Have a petty holiday friends <3