With a new year, comes the expectation to improve your life and make at least some minor changes. That being said, I felt obligated this year to make a resolution that I can actually stick to. I wanted to be realistic with my resolution because in previous years I haven’t been, and ended up upset with my results. It’s now January 8, 2016 and I have finally settled on a resolution.
In 2016 I’m not going to hold back.
Let me explain…Last year I spent way too much time worrying about the things I didn’t do. I was constantly regretting not pushing myself, not doing something I wanted to do, not saying what I wanted to say, etc. Basically, I was holding myself back from happiness. Aside from the anxiety I’ve had all my life, there was no valid reason for it.
When December 31st rolls around 11 months from now I want to have at least a fraction of the regrets I had in 2015.
So what exactly am I no longer holding back on?
As of now, I’m leaving this fairly general – mostly because I don’t know what this year has in store. To give a very superficial example, I’m not going to hold back on treating myself. I think people spend a lot of time worrying about a healthy lifestyle that they forget to enjoy. If I want dessert after dinner, I’m going to go for it. If I want to skip working out one day to catch up on Grey’s Anatomy I’ll be chill with it. I don’t want to ever feel like I can’t do something just because.
On a “deeper” level, I’m not going to hold back feelings, opinions, or hold myself back from experiences. There were so many nights that I wanted to go out with my friends but came up with a ridiculous excuse to get out of it….and then spent the rest of the night wishing I went with them. I don’t want to spend my time wishing I was doing something that was so accessible.
This doesn’t mean I’m going to neglect my schoolwork because I felt like going out, or ditch my healthy eating plan to eat junk food all 3 meals of the day. I’m just going to find balance.
Should we get real for a second?
Lately it’s become especially cool to not care about anything. We all want to seem like nothing bothers us and we’re just going with the flow. I’m not sure about you, but for me, this causes me to push my feelings aside to make room for being super chill. Eventually I can’t handle being chill anymore and I have an emotion explosion that often involves endless tears and a lengthy rant. It’s harder to recover from this than if I had just felt what I needed to feel in each situation. In 2016 I’m pushing chill to the side to make room for my emotions. I’m not holding back on how I feel. I might not share it with my friends or family, but I’m going to let myself feel and stop worrying about putting up a front.
Last year I kept telling myself that I didn’t care about all these things going on my life. It was partly because the people around me were very nonchalant about it, but mostly because I feared caring too much and being disappointed in the end. Not everything will work out, I’m bound to end up being disappointed, but that shouldn’t stop me from embracing the experience and how I feel about it.
Take each day as it comes, say yes to opportunities, and embrace everything that comes your way.